You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
