I'm gonna have a badass scar
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
