Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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