GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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