dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
