so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
