Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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