Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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