just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
