Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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