Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
