Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it glows. i had to have it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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