I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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