chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
