My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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