Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
