You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
