So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I color on your dick again?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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