tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
