i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
