I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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