I just pynch a tree in the face
just tell him i said nine months
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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