is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
