The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
should my penis look like a turkey
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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