he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize