no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
