Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just google imaged poop.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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