saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
PANTIES FOUND
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
