batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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