I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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