She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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