State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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