Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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