Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
