dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
