OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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