i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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