she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im part way to drunk.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
