I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
