he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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