Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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