she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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