i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
