you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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