I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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