you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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