the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
