So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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