the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
