You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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