READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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