you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
