like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
