M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
