That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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