My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
