Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
