Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
