On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
