I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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